Dear ridiculous customers (namely from this morning),
OH MY GOD. You are so right. You totally should get a free refill of in house coffee when you bought a TO GO drink, a TO GO LATTE, 45 minutes ago. I mean, who am I to say no to you? You who only want a free drink, a free drink of something ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT YOU PAID FOR. I guess when I go in to a bar, any bar, I should order a cocktail, maybe a long island ice tea during happy hour, and then get pissed when I ask for a FREE REFILL OF BEER!!! OMG, I mean, why would the bartender give me a crazy look? I totally just bought like a 5 dollar cocktail, didn't tip him at all, and now all I want is what I have coming to me, a free beer in my cup! Why is that SO CRAZY!?!?! oh wait.. YOU ARE FUCKING CRAZY!!!
And yes, mam, and other mam who have repeatedly told me to list the soups of the day in a conspicuous location, your right, I have NEVER EVER thought of posting the soups so you can read them! Oh my GOD! How could I have over looked something so simple? I AM, of course then one who runs EVERYTHING in this coffee shop/cafe, and I am totally in control on sign-age! ALL SIGNS ARE MINE TO COMMAND AND CONTROL! So wipe that stupid "I told you so look on your face, slow down for three minutes and wait for me to tell you what the soups are. Oh I'm sorry... are you in a rush to be a HUGE BITCH someplace else right now? You have someplace else to be where you can tell people how to run their business and sign things correctly, and then leave a "tip" aka writing "get a real job" on a piece of paper and sticking it in the tip jar like a totally troll?? Oh, don't make me stop you from taking your ripe old attitude someone else. You must pee in sparkles and shit out diamonds or something.
And excuse me, creepy old man... yeah, I actually do remember your name, but I refuse to let you think I care what it is, so I will act like you don't come in every morning and look me over with your greasy glass eye and 3-tooth mouth. You disgust me, and totally, Totally creep me out, so expect NOTHING out of me, especially me to say your name when you walk in... eeehk! SICK. Just take your small coffee and sicko comments and .25 cent tip someplace else. NOT WORTH IT.
Oh, HEY! You!! Couple who buys a fuckload of food, and 3 espresso drinks to go for your friends. Yeah, go a head! Pay for everyone of your friends drinks because "You can afford it" and then totally bitch out on the tip! Wow.... really 25-30 dollars in product and no tip?? Why not just stay at home, since you say "Oh, we got it. We got a huge bonus at work this week..." but CLEARLY YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO GO OUT IF YOU DON'T TIP. Seriously.
Fuck you and your high and mighty attitude.
OH YEAH!!! And an especially big FUCK OFF to the little bitch-man I overheard saying "I never tip. If theyy want money, they should get a real job..." OH YEAH!!! You're right, I totally went to college, and graduated salutatorian so I could be constantly blue-balled in tips by cheap pricks like you. THIS IS THE REAL JOB THAT THIS WONDERFUL SYSTEM HAS GIVEN ME. Maybe you forgot than this is Portland, and more than half the people waiting on you are severely more educated than you are. Yes, I said severely. That is how uneducated you are. WHAT OTHER JOBS ARE THEIR? Do you have a "real job" opportunity waiting to hand out to anyone? Newspapers are shutting down, schools are cutting art and literacy programs left and right, so really, truly, if there is a "real job" a "Liberal Arts degree can get you now a days, please point me in the right direction. However you being a cold prick about tipping doesn't help me pay my rent. So just get the fuck out, and keep your tight-ass comments to yourself. Please.
I have the right to refuse service to anyone. And guess what? You keep up this attitude, and I WILL.
