"Hello!"

Literal responses to "Hello" where I work.


"Hey! How's it going?"
"A Large Non-Fat Latte"


"...and what can I get for you?"
"Umm, how about a smile, for starters?"
(am I not smiling? because I know I am)


"Hi! What can I get for you today?"
"Hey, great, how are you?
"uhh... good, good. Aaaand...?"


"Can I have a misto?"
"A misto?"
"It's like, I don't know, some coffee and hot milk."
Oh, do you mean a cafe au lait?"
"What is that?"
"It's just French for coffee and steamed milk, so I think that sounds what you would like, right?"
"I don't know I just order it at Starbucks."

This is what I deal with on a Friday night:

As I am on bar, trying to make three perfect cappucinos at once, a man wearing a shirt the most outrageous color of sherbet orange walks up to the bar and starts talking loudly. My co-worker, Lisa, is busy with a line of customers, trying to help some middle schooler decide with pastry has less calories.
Now, because this person just walked in, did not stand in line, and I am busy trying not to over foam my milk, I did not realize he was talking to me, until:

Man: Miss! MISS!
Me: Oh, do you have a question sir
Man: Could you do me a favor, professional courtesy, miss. As one professional to another?"

Lisa and I look at each other, not concealing raised eyebrows.

Us: "Well, what exactly is this... favor?
Man: "I need you to cash this personal paycheck. Can't you do that?"
Me: "Uhh, I don't think..."
Man: "... I work at Bamboo Sushi! Everybody knows me on this block!!" As he guestures wildly around him, I think, no, I KNOW I have never seen this crazy man before, and I have worked on this block for over two years.

Lisa: "We really can't do that... besides that we don't have enough cash on hand... we just don't do that."
Me: Can't you go to a bank?

Man: "Well, I guess I'll just go to Starbucks! I'm sure they do professional favors... Thanks a lot ladies..." (grumble grumble grumble)

Me, as he leaves: "Is that supposed to threaten us, that he is going to Starbucks? Am I supposed to be upset by that 'cuz... I am totally not upset that that sherbet shirt is gone."

But seriously, how is this a normal request? Who, in their right mind, walks into a small local business and actually expects them to cash a personal paycheck?

Not so "Barista"

Well. I know you are all wondering why I haven't posted on here for... ever. This question has a two part answer.
1.) I fell off my bike, sprained my wrist and messed up my thumb.
2.) I am not currently working at a coffee shop. (So, not currently a barista)

And so, I am now an observer of coffee shops, rather than a behind the scenes participant. Or front line participant, which ever you prefer. Now that I have to pay for my coffee every morning at the coffee shop around the corner, since I rarely have time to ride my bike across town for a "freebee" from my co-workers, I rely on other baristas to make my coffee. And I am constantly disappointed. Why you ask?

It's 90* in the shade. I asked for an iced mocha. I got a HOT CHOCOLATE, POURED OVER ICE! It was literally hot and foamy, then poured into a clear plastic cup with ice in it. UNACCEPTABLE. But I guess that was my bad for going to a coffee shop run by crazy asians!

HAIRBENDER SHOULD NOT BE YOUR HOUSE DRIP COFFEE. EVER. (especially when you use sick old metal drip machines)

"Oh yeah, no big deal. I work and Heart and can ignore everyone and laugh at you when you ask what the single origin espresso is." Umm, the reason I asked is not because I don't know what "single origin" means (coffee beans from one single location), it's because the sign of what TYPE of bean the single origin was, was missing. Idiot.

Also, NO ONE makes iced coffee like we do. NO ONE.

Some people really know how to ruin a good day

As I sit here waiting for my socks to dry so I can go work out, I realized that some people just can't do their own work.
These are a few thoughts that ran through my head:

Umm, I'm not the manager so you're gonna have to figure that one out for yourself.

If I was paid to care, maybe I would.

Well, if there was any kind of positive reinforcement in this job, maybe people would follow these rules, even though they are stupid.

I'm sorry, are you wrongly accusing me of something again, or are you just staring me down for no reason?

OK, and what else didn't get done that is somehow my fault today?

As much time as I have doing my job well, I guess I should be policing everyone else's actions too.

OK, I am sick of getting picked on at work, and blamed for things I don't do. CONSTANTLY BLAMED. I am also sick of no recognition for things I do well. Again, NO POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT. How am I supposed to train new people when I can barely stand coming to work in the first place? There is no real support. Now this turns to me being super annoyed with people. Co workers, customers... I am normally a very nice and happy person, but when one is subjected to such a negative environment everyday and feels like they are running up a vertical wall and scrambling for a line, it really takes the joy away of trying to make someone else's day better. I know that should be my job, to make YOUR day better. To serve YOU the bast morning coffee ever. TO make sure YOU feel happy and satisfied when YOU leave. But what about us? Who makes us a "Pick-me-up" every morning? Who ever asks US how our day is going, and cares? Who ever goes out of there way to make OUR day better?? WHO?

Thank God for two things: 1- the three regular customers who are happy to see me 2- my boyfriend . He comes in regularly and gives me a huge smile and a kiss. If it weren't for these two things I would probably have a panic attack by now. Either that or set something on fire. Probably both.

What Now?

Today I started to research potential topics for my new "professional" blog, which is yet to be named. While researhing I became overwhelmed with topics, ideas... actually I became more overwhelmed with my lack of knowledge about anything relevant. People always tell me "write what your passionate about"... but what is that? What am I passionate about? I have no idea. So, I decided to switch over here to my personal blog and process is out. This is how I think constructively: on "paper," with my fingers. I can't organize my thoughts unless I can see them, SO here we go. What am I passionate about? Let's start with what I love and see where it goes:

First of all, I love my boyfriend. I love spending time with him and doing nothing, or everything. Everything I imagine that is good in life includes him, and everything I love is him.
But besides that...
I love music. I love to sing. I like going to karaoke with my friends and singing duets. At one time I wanted to be a famous singer... I am trying to sing with Sean and his Storie Grubb project. I like to listen to music I can sing to.

I like the idea of travel. I love the sun. I love to learn. I like to learn new languages. I like going to school.

I love to read books, good novels. When I read, I imagine scenarios that I can write about and improve.

I love to watch movies. Real films. I like to discuss films and the thoughts behind the story. I love mythology. I love stories and how common myths connect all people throughout history and time. I love that stories can be transferred through various media to reach the maximum audience.

I love fashion. I like to go shopping and buy new accessories, shirts, and boots. I like to look good. I like to work out because it helps me look good.

I love to drink wine! Wine tasting is my favorite... but maybe because I think wine tasting leads to making loving in a park somewhere... But, I do love to drink wine.

What else... I love my friends, hanging out and talking about life. But, who doesn't?

Anyway.... ADD is kicking in. Also my battery is about to die. Any comments?? I welcome help!!! I work best with assignments.

Love love LOVE!

Wierd...

So yesterday I observed something really strange. Mom's commenting on other people's strollers like they were cars or something. Many of our customers walk from the surrounding neighborhoods and meet to have coffee, or stop in on their exercise "walking" route.

One of the regular customers, Ken, pushed his baby stroller inside and ordered his drink. Two mom's with competing strollers, who were waiting for their drinks by the bar started commenting on his wheels:

"Oh Marsha, look that rain guard! It must be one of the new gortez kind. Oh my god."
"I know... it's the complete wrap-around guard with out Velcro. That could go through a tsunami and keep his kid dry. Dammit! George knew I wanted that for Christmas..."

and they preceded to walk over to Ken's stroller and admire it, clearly annoyed that they did not get their Christmas wish, and were comparing aloud their strollers "better qualities."

And so I thought:
Really? Is this what we have to look forward to? Comparing strollers with people? Checking wind resistance and waterproofing to protect a tiny baby (who probably hates being in there anyway)? I don't know... I had yet to witness this "elite mom" attitude pertaining to strollers, and I realized I don't want to be one of those moms. I am far, far away from that happening any time soon, BUT, when it does happen I don't want to get jealous over someone's sweet stroller. What a waste of time.
However, if I was as priveleged as these mom's when I have kids, and all I have to worry about is "jogging" to get a latte down the street and making it to yoga on time, maybe I would worry about insignificant things too. Like which organic apple sauce to buy, or how many calories are in a vegan brownie, and how to successfully dress my child like they are a product of the 1920's.


And THEN-
Today I made it to the gym. As I was in changing in the dressing room, a cell phone rang, a woman answered it and started talking. Now most of us are use to other people talking on their phones out in public. At work I hear about 10 conversations a day that are completly one sided. Normally it's the "Oh hey! Yeah I'm good. Just getting a coffee... oh not too much... blah blah blah... oh I should probably order now, can you hold on?" Whatever. But today, in the woman's locker room, I ununwantingly overheard a conversation that, in my eyes, was completly innapropriate to be had in public.

The woman was talking to her daughter on the phone and decided this would be a good time to have one of the more awkward talks I can think of:

"How are you doing down there? Well were you in your hotel room lastnight? Because Dad said he called the hotel room and no one answered, so now is pretty sure you were out on the town. Where were you last night? Well, he said he called the room and no one answered.... well was he right? What's going on? I thought you liked Julian! Were you out with another guy? Well, Dad seems to think you are out doing all sorts of things. Having this crazy... sex life. Like sex with a lot of people. And doing Extasy, and.... Well are you? Well I don't know why, be he seems to be 110% sure that you are out doing these things and having a party life..."

And so it went on and on and on. At one point there was yelling, and you could hear the girl on the other side of the phone screaming back. I was thinking, is this really the best place to have this talk? I mean, if this was my mom talking on the phone to me I would be so embarrassed knowing strangers where hearing her give me the 3rd degree on having sex with people and doing E. That would be almost as bad as the actual conversation. I was just blown away that this mom was just laying it all out there infront of the whole locker room. Who does that?

Well, that's my two cents today. So, just watch out what you say when you are around people who you think don't care, or don't hear you... because I might be there too. Ha ha!

To the Customers-

Dear ridiculous customers (namely from this morning),

OH MY GOD. You are so right. You totally should get a free refill of in house coffee when you bought a TO GO drink, a TO GO LATTE, 45 minutes ago. I mean, who am I to say no to you? You who only want a free drink, a free drink of something ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT YOU PAID FOR. I guess when I go in to a bar, any bar, I should order a cocktail, maybe a long island ice tea during happy hour, and then get pissed when I ask for a FREE REFILL OF BEER!!! OMG, I mean, why would the bartender give me a crazy look? I totally just bought like a 5 dollar cocktail, didn't tip him at all, and now all I want is what I have coming to me, a free beer in my cup! Why is that SO CRAZY!?!?! oh wait.. YOU ARE FUCKING CRAZY!!!

And yes, mam, and other mam who have repeatedly told me to list the soups of the day in a conspicuous location, your right, I have NEVER EVER thought of posting the soups so you can read them! Oh my GOD! How could I have over looked something so simple? I AM, of course then one who runs EVERYTHING in this coffee shop/cafe, and I am totally in control on sign-age! ALL SIGNS ARE MINE TO COMMAND AND CONTROL! So wipe that stupid "I told you so look on your face, slow down for three minutes and wait for me to tell you what the soups are. Oh I'm sorry... are you in a rush to be a HUGE BITCH someplace else right now? You have someplace else to be where you can tell people how to run their business and sign things correctly, and then leave a "tip" aka writing "get a real job" on a piece of paper and sticking it in the tip jar like a totally troll?? Oh, don't make me stop you from taking your ripe old attitude someone else. You must pee in sparkles and shit out diamonds or something.

And excuse me, creepy old man... yeah, I actually do remember your name, but I refuse to let you think I care what it is, so I will act like you don't come in every morning and look me over with your greasy glass eye and 3-tooth mouth. You disgust me, and totally, Totally creep me out, so expect NOTHING out of me, especially me to say your name when you walk in... eeehk! SICK. Just take your small coffee and sicko comments and .25 cent tip someplace else. NOT WORTH IT.

Oh, HEY! You!! Couple who buys a fuckload of food, and 3 espresso drinks to go for your friends. Yeah, go a head! Pay for everyone of your friends drinks because "You can afford it" and then totally bitch out on the tip! Wow.... really 25-30 dollars in product and no tip?? Why not just stay at home, since you say "Oh, we got it. We got a huge bonus at work this week..." but CLEARLY YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO GO OUT IF YOU DON'T TIP. Seriously.

Fuck you and your high and mighty attitude.

OH YEAH!!! And an especially big FUCK OFF to the little bitch-man I overheard saying "I never tip. If theyy want money, they should get a real job..." OH YEAH!!! You're right, I totally went to college, and graduated salutatorian so I could be constantly blue-balled in tips by cheap pricks like you. THIS IS THE REAL JOB THAT THIS WONDERFUL SYSTEM HAS GIVEN ME. Maybe you forgot than this is Portland, and more than half the people waiting on you are severely more educated than you are. Yes, I said severely. That is how uneducated you are. WHAT OTHER JOBS ARE THEIR? Do you have a "real job" opportunity waiting to hand out to anyone? Newspapers are shutting down, schools are cutting art and literacy programs left and right, so really, truly, if there is a "real job" a "Liberal Arts degree can get you now a days, please point me in the right direction. However you being a cold prick about tipping doesn't help me pay my rent. So just get the fuck out, and keep your tight-ass comments to yourself. Please.

I have the right to refuse service to anyone. And guess what? You keep up this attitude, and I WILL.